There are moments in time I’d like to return to, just as one
who finds an activity he likes would make a hobby of it. But, this feeling has
as its only possible end the evocation of yet another of life’s abiding
sorrows-
that of the realization of man’s limitations in bringing about the ends that fulfill the yearnings of his heart. “What do you want?” The asker always asks in earnest, and it is always a mean question. I want the same as everyone else who feels the despair of being as small a being as I am. I want what I could not possibly have. I want things I cannot even understand that I want. I want for consequences whose causes I largely misunderstand and yet expect that they will bend to my will and extend the necessary confluence- its result ultimately being the stuff of what I imagine will create my greatest happiness. Have you ever loved, even thought you loved, for a second? Did you feel light, a fluttering sensation inside? Was it a feeling of pure bliss, unadulterated in that moment by any counter-notion that would have darkened the brilliance of the light that shone on your life at that moment’s experience of transcendent satisfaction? I have heard it said that despair resides in that space that exists between where one really is and where he wishes he could be. Were you ever crushed by the practical realization that the only starting point from which you could depart to embark on the journey toward achieving desire satisfaction is the point at which you truly are, with all its seeming limitations counterproductive to your thrashing about in the general direction of the light- itself growing ever more dim. You’re struggling harder, but you haven’t gained any ground, or so you think.
that of the realization of man’s limitations in bringing about the ends that fulfill the yearnings of his heart. “What do you want?” The asker always asks in earnest, and it is always a mean question. I want the same as everyone else who feels the despair of being as small a being as I am. I want what I could not possibly have. I want things I cannot even understand that I want. I want for consequences whose causes I largely misunderstand and yet expect that they will bend to my will and extend the necessary confluence- its result ultimately being the stuff of what I imagine will create my greatest happiness. Have you ever loved, even thought you loved, for a second? Did you feel light, a fluttering sensation inside? Was it a feeling of pure bliss, unadulterated in that moment by any counter-notion that would have darkened the brilliance of the light that shone on your life at that moment’s experience of transcendent satisfaction? I have heard it said that despair resides in that space that exists between where one really is and where he wishes he could be. Were you ever crushed by the practical realization that the only starting point from which you could depart to embark on the journey toward achieving desire satisfaction is the point at which you truly are, with all its seeming limitations counterproductive to your thrashing about in the general direction of the light- itself growing ever more dim. You’re struggling harder, but you haven’t gained any ground, or so you think.
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