Abnormally Great

Great was in rare form. I overheard a very attractive woman I’d seen when I first arrived ask him, “Why do your friends call you Great?” He smiled. “Well I’m glad you asked. I’m the type that likes to get right down to business. My name describes me, straight out. If it’s got anything to do with me, its great, and you need greatness in your life. Everyone needs greatness.” I was moved. Great contained his normal hideous laugh and simply smiled and stared the surprised woman in the eyes. She hesitated,
looking for signs of sarcasm or bravado, and when she saw that there were none, she smiled and laughed coyly. “You’re cute,” she responded. “Do you always talk about yourself this much?” he cleverly added. I was taking notes by now. “Oh, and you’re a smooth talker too, huh?” she said, beaming. “If it’s great to be smooth, what can I say? I’ve already told you I can’t help that. I can tell you one thing, it’s certainly great that what I’m saying to you is not just talk. You’re beautiful.” With that, she moved in close to Great and, sensing the increasing intimacy between them, he wrapped his arm around her waist. His timing was excellent because she took his inch a yard and went straight for his lips. By this point, all the guys were watching in disbelief. Great was clean in the back of this chick’s throat, and she was the hottest woman in the bar that night! I was dumbfounded and I couldn’t wait to find out what Great had been into lately that had made him such a masterful lady-killer. I didn’t know where this guy had come from who had replaced my clueless buddy, but I liked his style. He had said all the right things, and more importantly, he had read this woman perfectly. The Great I knew was aloof and didn’t get women’s body language. “Say man, what the hell is up with Great?” B asked me, incredulously. “Man, I have no idea whatsoever, but that is one bad chick he bagged.” I meant that sincerely. “Shit man, you don’t have to tell me. I tried to holler at her earlier when we first got here and she didn’t so much as say one word to me. She’s been watching us all the entire night. I wonder what it is she saw in Great? He’s super-lame.” B’s question caused a light to go off in my head. She had taken time to watch us and assess the group dynamics at work. When we were out, Great’s role was different from the one he normally played as purveyor of information and sometimes center of attention. He stayed on the periphery and, to the outsider observing us, probably appeared to be quiet and thoughtful, though not an outsider at all. He was good at many things, so if you saw us at a billiards hall, for example, he would appear to be one cool competitor, never intoxicated, rowdy or obnoxious, winning match after match. She had chosen Great because she’d singled him out as interesting. Overhearing us all call him Great, she was further intrigued and had approached him to simply reaffirm what she was already thinking. Women were really heads and shoulders above men in some ways, and I marveled at her technique. How many men actually paid serious attention to their prey before going in for the kill? Not many I knew. All they needed to know was if the chick was fine and had a big behind. I was never wanting for another story of how one of my friends was being screwed over by some fine but crazy chick.